making promises...

I am leaving now, l am going to make some promises, some promises of love...

spitting off the bridge to see how far it is...

Thank you C.C.

when l am a man...

When l am a man, then l shall be a hunter
When l am a man, then l shall be a harpooner
When l am a man, then l shall be a canoe-builder
When l am a man, then l shall be a carpenter
When l am a man, then l shall be a artisan
Oh father! ya ha ha ha
-Kwakiutl Indian (from The Family of Man)

---

...sometimes l remember that there is magic and mystery to this world.

canadian tire revisited...

well you're high on top
of your mountain of woe
come on up to the house
well you know you should surrender
but you can't let go
you gotta come on up to the house
-tomwaits



...in case you've forgotten to lick the stamps.
my canadian tire monies art-trade

every saturday night...

I let the dog out
But he didn't come back
Stood on the corner until
My feet got wet
-tomwaits



This is Huey.
I've known him since 1993, use to chop his firewood back then.
and sometimes he would get me to fix something at Muriels.
Muriel is his girlfriend and he calls her "girl".
Huey has the most patience l have ever seen, Muriel doesn't.
I remember driving them both to Calgary one year.
Took us all day and all night and Muriel got very tired.



I have done three paintings of huey.
He is a beautiful man.



and he gave me a ring
that was worn by his mother
and he takes me out dancin
every saturday night.
-tomwaits

this moment...

This moment is all there is
-rumi

Inconsistency...

Mike. Doesn't work for me anymore.
I'm too old now.
I get to wonder about tomorrow, will it ever come?

Ken. Why do you say that?

Mike. Inconsistency of living. Do you ever think of that? Inconsistency?
I came here thirty years ago.
My brother told me l'm lucky to have a place like this or something like that.
Thiry years.
I've got little or nothing to show for it.
I just dig out some damned old junk from the refrigerator,
whatever the hell l can find to eat.
And then l go to bed.
Eat and sleep.
Sleep is my narcotic.
To forget the past. Forget the future.

...

And when i'm buried and in my grave
tell me then so i will know
your tears may fall to make love grow
the briar and the rose
-tomwaits

Sharing Thursa...

Oh it's time time time, and it's time time time
And it's time time time that you love
And it's time time time
-tom waits



I took a two day workshop last week, "non violent physical crisis intervention". It didn't give me any new moves to try on Amy but it did remind me of my brother and wrestling. Growing up with him, we fought, almost everyday, wrestling actually. We would jump on each other, sit on each other and pound away at arms and legs until they become numb. Sometimes we would get very mad at each other. We also shared our cousin Thursa, whenever they visited one of us would go off in the woods to kiss Thrusa. One time l took her down to the beach to kiss and my brother followed and said it was his turn. It seemed fair so l said okay. Our very last fight was when we each threw a fist, he hit me in the face, l hit him in the face. We just sort of stared at each other and that was the last time we ever fought. I worked with him a while ago, somedays l would get very mad at his gruffness and it would make me sad. I love my brother, l have come to appreciate him in the last couple of years, l appreciate his gruffness, l can see the love in his heart, l can see the twinkle of life in his eyes. It makes me cry...l want him to know he is loved...

broken cigarettes...

All i need's my railroad boots,
And my leather jacket,
As i say goodbye to ruby's arms,
Although my heart is breaking,
-tom waits



...the hood is out of jail, eight months in, now tougher, bigger, and dropping by to see if l have any work. I don't really care about the hood. but Clayton came by and l do care about clayton. He hasn't been by in quite awhile. Came by last night, anxious and with the sky falling sat and smoke a couple broken cigarettes. Laid off from the fish plant, cops looking for him, seems he assaulted someone, says he is looking for all of the people that owe him money. Tiffany won't let him see his daughter. Tears came to his eyes, "they should have put me in the hospital for a couple of days." Clayton just needs to be cared for, just a couple of days, someone to care for him...

life...

"The purpose of art is not a rarified, intellectual distillate.
-It is life, intensified, brilliant life."
-alain arias

...

-john and claire at the queens


"...when the story of the hero's wound is made part of the story of desire,
when the weaving activity of the soul, the work of memory and
imagination, the weaving of one's story, is informed
and suffused with hero's violent spiritual flame."

-eileen gregory (summoning the familiar)

14 years...

 "Sing, sweetness, to the last palpitation of the evening and the breeze."
-st.john perse

  

...my cat died a week ago.
I had my cat since she was a kitten, and we lived on a acerage for her first ten years. She was a great hunter, would bring me daily mice. I remember the first year she caught a bunny, l tried to save it, put it in a box with grass and left it on the porch overnight. The bunny never lived. My cat would kill and eat bunnies, would eat the whole thing, skull, bones and would only leave the stomach. Once she played with a bunny for hours it seemed until finally l had to kill the poor little rabbit. I think my cat was delighted with this, licked my hand as if l had finally learned what l had to do to eat. I never took my cat to a vet, saved the one time to get her fixed. The one time she got really sick l just put her on my bed for a week feeding her with dishes of milk and soft stuff.
I never named my cat, l couldn't think of a name that didn't sound stupid...so l just called her beauty sometimes, fathead when l was mad at her. She always slept with me, under my arm against my chest, didn't matter when l slept, she just would come and join me.
She stopped killing things after l returned from prince albert. I had left her with a friend of a friend for a year while l was away. She was so sickly when l got her back but the first night back, it was as if we had never been apart.
She was very sick the last two or three weeks before she died. She stopped purring. She stopped eating. it makes me cry. Amy and Mike helped me look after her, they loved her while l was away. She loved them.
My cat was so beautiful.

my cat...

l've had my cat for around fourteen years now, she is beautiful. I am trying to make her feel comfortable and l am hoping she is peaceful, she is dying.

huey and muriel...

"My head is spinning round, my heart is in my shoes, yeah
I went and set the Thames on fire, oh, now l must come back down
She's laughing in her sleeve boys, I can feel it in my bones
Oh, but anywhere l'm gonna lay my head, l'm gonna call my home"
-tomwaits


Huey and Muriel